Heartbreak: based on a true story

It's a somewhat typical story. 

A story about a boy and a girl.

They seem to unknowingly do life around each other but not really with each other. It's the the occasional crossing of paths and the occasional lingering thoughts of attraction. No actions taken, only thoughts considered. 

Until one day. That unexplainable day when something changes. When the heart takes a detour and the mind chases after it.  Actually, let’s be honest,  it feels like everything changes. 

The walls come down, the butterflies rush in and the heart beats a little faster. We all know that moment. It happens differently for everyone, but the end result is always the same. You find yourself in total state of "like." Sometimes these feelings rise and vanish rather quickly, and sometimes these feelings are not mutual. But sometimes, in the most ideal of scenarios, the feelings align and sparks fly. You don't know what's going to happen and you don't really care, because at that moment, when the realization of mutual feeling happens, it seems as though nothing can go wrong in the world.

There is no way to measure feelings really. You can't measure them in units of length or duration, so maybe the best way is to determine the intensity of whatever was felt. Sometimes the feelings can come quick and with full intensity or sometimes they intensify over time. 

It's the moment when you realize you care for someone in a way you never cared about anyone before. All of the sudden you find yourself in the realization that this person is of unimaginable value to you. You recognize new capacities and heights of how much you could actually care for someone, that someone could matter this much. You want to give them the world. You want to be there for the good and the bad. You want to listen every time they complain about work or lack of sleep or traffic, and no matter how times they talk about it, you are willing to be there at a moment’s notice. 

You find yourself with this person without even planning on it and although you know it’s not going to be all butterflies and rainbows and country music songs, you believe it is all worth it. This person is your best friend and although you know the risk of giving them a piece of your heart, you forgo it and hope for the very best. They tell you are their forever and you believe it with every ounce of your being. 

And sometimes these feelings grow into something more and more and if you're lucky, then comes love and then comes marriage and then comes baby in the baby carriage. 

And sometimes, the feelings end. Sometimes mutually and sometimes not so mutually. And then come the tears and the breaking of someone's heart. 

So in this tale, of a boy and girl, things went well, until one day they didn't. The feelings ended and the truth hurt. 

If your story happens to come with an end, well, let's just say I've been there. It hurts. Mutual or not mutual, someone is always left disappointed with the way things end and nobody likes a story that doesn't end well. When you give a piece of your heart away, it’s a piece you may never get back but if life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you respond to it, than there is most definitely a way to continue to write your story. 

When someone breaks your heart, there are a million and one ways you can respond and a million and two emotions that cross your mind. The honest truth though is that the response and what happens next all has to do with you and only you. So many times people want to place the blame on the other, if only they did this or said this or were like so and so then x,y, and z would not have occurred. It is a whole lot easier to place the blame on the other than to deal with matters of self and deal with matters of the heart. 

In dealing with matters of the heart, here are a few lessons I learned along the way:

The maker of your heart is most definitely the healer of the heart

The frustrating part of human nature is that we often leave God on the back burner until bad things happen.  We also do this with family members and close friends. We know they are always going to be there and we know we always have them. In the excitement and chaos life brings, we get so invested in the new and exciting things, we let the tried and true stale. We don't water those relationships because we consider them matured and done. But even the most secure relationships need continual growth and nourishment, and our relationship with God very much needs the same. 

I believe and hope that God remained the significant part of this attempted story I tried to write with someone else. I can only speak for myself but God was my best friend prior, during and especially afterwards. I clung to him and the beauty of that pain was that it produced tremendous growth. I didn't play the blame game with God, I simply learned to listen, while pushing myself to be completely honest and vulnerable in our time together. As life continues, I want to take these habits with me. I want to strive to be that vulnerable and that honest, spilling out my greatest desires and fears and failures out in my relationship. He is my friend and my father and because He created my heart; He is the one who heals it.

Avoid the words "always" "never" and "forever"

I'll be honest, I have never told someone I was seeing "I love you" because those three words hold tremendous value to me. They are so precious and when one day I say those words, I want to know that the receiver will not only respond in the same manner but also be the person I will wake up next to for the rest of my life. I want my first love to be my only love and I will cling to those words and to that promise. Maybe you have said them and maybe you regret it or maybe you don't. That's up to you, but for me, I want to say them in confidence and know I can handle the weight they hold. Love is a strong word and one that far too many say without understanding what love really is. Love is patient and kind and gentle and does not boast, but finally love NEVER fails. Unless I know that my love for someone will not fail, I want to be fair to them and to myself and live out those words.

    

Along the lines of love are also a few other loaded, weighty words - "always," "never," and "forever." When emotions take over and feelings are strong, the above listed words are often said. Forever means what it means - forever, never ending, always; it means no one is going anywhere, it means despite whatever happens, they are there; it means when troubles arise, a solution will allow. To hear the words "always" and "forever" said to you is one of the most wonderful experiences in the world. Those words carried so much meaning to me.

I learned for myself and couldn't ask more from each of us than to place those words in reserve, in safe keeping, and to not say them until we are able to fulfill their meanings. These words open up the heart, they open us to new levels of vulnerability and truth, but when actions don't follow accordingly, it hurts the heart in more ways than one can count.  

There is no better way to learn the meaning of grace

I don't mean this in regards to the other person, but in regards how you realize how flawed we all are. We all say things we don't mean and do things we know we shouldn't do (see point #2) and when you think about the way someone has hurt you, think of the many times you have hurt someone else. A broken heart is the ultimate teacher of grace. Grace with others, with yourself and the reminder of how much grace our heavenly father has had with each one of us. I think about how much everything hurts when someone breaks your heart and then I think about the countless times I have broken God's heart. If a person who I merely liked could make me hurt so much, than how much does God's heart hurt when he is hurt by people who claim to love him? I often tell God I love him and with love, pain is amplified. When your heart gets broken, there is no better way of understanding the immense grace God has for us. Billions of people across the globe break God's heart every second of every day, and yet He loves us more and more. Talk about grace. Grace exists because God exists and God is grace.  

Life goes on (and it actually gets better)

The understanding and acceptance of God's life and grace is enough information that life goes on and gets better if you can properly apply the lessons learned. Tears may come in the night but joy comes in the morning. If we live a life trusting that God works for the good of those who love him, than all we have to do is trust. Life is 90% based on the way we respond, remember? So respond with grace, with love and carry on. If you really do feel inclined toward something, or sense unfinished business, pray about it but don't dwell on it. Trust in God and the process.

Beware of burning bridges

History has a way of repeating itself and the world has a way of becoming smaller and smaller. You never know how paths will cross or who knows who. Unless there was some form of abuse, burning a bridge should not be a preferred method of communication. We all need time to unplug and step away, but make sure you don't lose the plug all together. Life has a sense of humor and seems to feed on presenting us with awkward encounters and unexpected coincidences.

In the end, you may care leaps and bounds for someone. You may see them with endless potentials and all the wonderful things they could be. You may want to give them the world but sometimes, for reasons known and unknown, this isn't mutual and this realization will hurt. But the heart heals and God has a plan. I may not fully know why the first part of my story unfolded the way it did, but what I do know is how beautifully the second part is revealing itself to be. It's full of surprises and experiences and is guided by new knowledge and understandings. I've been encouraged to pour love in others and challenged myself to push the limits of my grace. 

Whatever the new chapters are going to bring, they are being co-written by myself and my heavenly father.

Rumor has it that He can write a story like no other.