My biggest weakness (and it might be yours too)

A typical question they love to ask in interviews goes something like this: “What is your biggest weakness?” or “what are areas of improvement in yourself?” It’s kinda a trick question. Your interviewer is not only checking to see if you think too much of yourself but also if there are any red flags you might let slip in the pressure of the moment. After going through my share of interviews, I have learned how to genuinely and gracefully this question. While I won’t reveal my interview tips and tricks, I will tell gladly tell you one thing I recognize to my weakness multiple weaknesses…I want to do way too much. I commit to too much. I care too much. And I want to fix everyone’s problems.

Let me put out a disclaimer and say this is not me trying to say gosh I’m such a bad person because I care about way too many people so compliment me and tell me its okay.

I in no way will ever compare myself to Mother Teresa and I can’t even compare myself to my own mother. This is a post about a weakness, and I really don’t want your sympathy. I want to learn from my mistakes and share them with you in the hopes that you do not make the same ones too.

When bad things happen to people I love and care about, all their worries, fears, and stresses are added to my own list of worries, fears, and stresses. I have yet to be a mother, but I sure do become a mother when bad things happen to good people. I so badly want to fix the broken and heal the hurting. I begin to worry for other people’s exams, doctors’ visits, relationships, family drama, unemployment and credit card issues. I want people to call me in the middle of the night when they can’t sleep or are crying or are contemplating anorexia episodes. I want to be there for them, day or night.

On top of that, sometimes I make too many commitments. I think I can do it all and in my mind, I can perfectly plan everything out and put each activity and person into a time slot and think I can go and accomplish everything… all’s in a day’s work right?

I also like responsibility. In fact, I crave responsibility. I’ve written about it many times and I’ll say it again; I like being an adult and I like the real world. Bring it on, reality.

And then reality comes and hits me real hard.

Nothing ever fits perfectly into a time slot and then I am tired and then I get tired even more because I just stayed up all night on a tearful phone call with an old friend. I commit to school, work, clubs, activities, internships, and people and then I break. I think I can do it all and I want to be there for everyone at all times, at all places. I don’t ever want to say “no.”

Don’t get me wrong, life isn’t fun and games and commitment is a must. There are definitely times where we have to take on more than we can handle at the moment.  Emphasis on “at the moment” because we should not let it become a long term commitment or life style. Even fun or beneficial commitments must be turned down at given moments and more importantly, I have really learned that you cannot be everyone’s mother… that role has been bestowed upon someone else.

 

Empathy, care, and concern are wonderful aspects of friendship and relationships. We all need a shoulder to cry on sometimes and must also sometimes be the shoulder that is cried on. Flexibility and commitment to the job are wonderful and needed aspects of a great employee. We all need a shift covered here and there and assistance with an assignment and we also need to be the one to cover a shift and help on an assignment.

But as they say “all things in moderation.”

I learned the hard way two years ago... I got an awful stomach ulcer and what’s the leading cause of an ulcer?

Stress.

Funny thing is that I did not feel stressed. I felt fine and while I worry about grades, I have always had the mindset of “you win some, you lose some.” Even though I always try, sometimes you don’t always come out on top. But after my ulcer hospitalization and feeling like all my organs were going to burst, I stepped back and thought about the months prior. I took on a lot, I wanted to do a lot and I wanted to hear every single person’s problem and fix it. I am proud of the friendships and relationships I had made in those months. I am forever touched by them. But did I have to end up in the hospital? I’m going to take a guess and say no.

I actually remember a friend specifically telling me that it was not my God given responsibility to be everyone’s mother. She also pointed out that by stretching myself thin to be everywhere and with everyone, I overlooked friends and family. Because they didn’t have any immediate serious pressing issues at the moment, I forgot about their needs and how they wanted to spend time with me and not always have a million people around.

Since then, I have tried to be smarter about where and with who I spend my time with. Time is money and I only get 24 hours in a day. I need time for school. I need time for work. I need time for friends and family. I need time for Jesus. And I really need time for myself. It’s also not all about me. I need to give time to people. I need to be willing to help, to volunteer, and to listen. Jesus in one of his parables had said that “Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these; you did not do for me.” We can’t live ignorant that there is a world full of hurt out there.

   

Since the beginning of summer, I have been reflecting often how to use my time and energy because it sure seems like I do not have much of either. Since I love a good quote, there is one that has stuck in my mind: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.”

I decided what I really want and desperately need is more wisdom. I need wisdom and guidance to know what things I can change, what things to forget about and which ones to fix.

This applies to all and any situation. I realize I can’t do it all and my weakness is over commitment which is often followed by periods of exhaustion which then lead to laziness. I try to do too much and then I get tired and then I see how nice it is to do nothing and then all I want to do is nothing. Anyone else in that boat?

Luckily, my biggest weakness has potential to become my biggest strength when used responsibly. As the year comes to an end, and I am already feeling burnt out and exhausted and ready to throw in the towel, I am praying for wisdom, seeking guidance and frankly being honest. I am honest with myself and honest with others and learning to say “no” or “not right now.” I also need to learn to give up my time to go out and help others, to volunteer and just to be of assistance. I can’t really abandon the commitments that I have made right now, but I can prioritize them. I can figure out what needs attention now and what can wait.

There are so many amazing things happening in my life right now and I cannot explain them better than simply saying I have really been blessed. Recently I have been blessed with not 1, but 2 job opportunities, blessed with school activities and leadership roles, blessed with a beautiful apartment, blessed with a beautiful school, blessed with an awesome trainer and health coach and most recently, blessed with a budding relationship. And I’ve quickly realized that if I am going to enjoy it all, I sure better have the energy and time to do so.

So here it is, one of my weaknesses among many other faults and failures. Sometimes I have it all together but most of the time, I am just attempting to have at least something together. I am a work in progress, one step at a time.

This week I managed to make it to work without spilling coffee on myself because I had time to put a lid on my mug.  I’m pretty proud of myself.

Hey, it’s the little things that count anyway.