Fear

Let me tell you something about fear.

Everyone carries some form of it.

Fear of failure.

Fear of pain.

Fear of rejection.

Fear manifests itself in many different forms. And fear manifests itself in each one of us.

Fear is hard to define. What exactly is it? It's an emotion right? But why do we feel it? Why does it happen? Is it something internally that we feed until it grows into something more than nervous butterflies and sweaty palms? Is it a product of our imagination? Does it actually need to exist? Or is it a problem we create for ourselves that transitions into a reality we start to accept?

I don't actually have the answers to all those answers. But maybe acknowledging personal fears is a start to figuring how to live without them.

I have a journal that I write in every Sunday. I write bits and pieces of what is on my heart and my mind. I had gotten off track and felt compelled to write the other day. In writing, I admitted honestly that I have a fear. I have a fear of being hurt. 

When I care, I care 110%, all the time. I am willing to bend over backwards for the other person. I am willing to adjust to them and for them. Maybe that's how I show my care and my love. I am willing to go out of my way if it helps someone breathe a little easier. But past experiences have shown me though that you can want to give someone the world, and they don't want any of it . Or maybe they want it all but they don't want to give the same.

So how do you continue to care and freely give without any confirmation of it ever coming back?

I guess that's the risk we run. Risks aren't necessary, but nothing can be gained if nothing is put on the  line.  People are risks. Huge risks. Probably the worst of all. They can hurt us the most of all. But at the same time, the biggest risks can become the biggest of rewards.

In closing out my writing the other day, the prayer on my heart was to know which risks to take, which to pass by and which to be patient with.  I may have a fear of being hurt again but no one ever gained anything by standing still.

Life is a series of risks.

And some risks can become the best decision we ever made.