Hard to believe that 2013 will be referred to as "last year" in just a few short days. This time last year, I sat down to think about what 2013 would be like and what it would bring. I don't make some long list of resolutions but I did sit down and write myself a letter of hopes and desires, things I hoped that maybe it would bring, things I could work on, and people I could look out for. Rereading the letter a year later, some of things happened and turned out well, some things turned out completely not as expected, some didn't happen and some ill be resubmitting on my 2014 letter.
But overall, I can say that 2013 was one eventful year. What did I do? I guess I kinda did a lot...
I started back at Point Loma after re-adjusting back to life in America after Italy. Moved to San Diego officially into my own home sweet home. Went to the presidential inauguration. Saw Beyonce. Interviewed by British news. Celebrated with friends at their graduation. Landed an ideal student dream job (and paid internship). Had my first summer in San Diego. Explored Seattle. Arranged a secret flash dance mob. Watched free fireworks every night of the summer, courtesy of Sea World. Had the time of my life in the Mansour-Young wedding as a bridesmaid. Felt and turned 22. Surprised with the most incredible birthday party. Started my final year of undergraduate education.Went back home to my childhood land of Georgia. Was a bridesmaid in a childhood friend's wedding. Wished upon a star and woke up the next day with and internship offer by a Dining Magazine. Went to the Getty finally. Crossed the Mexico-CA border by food (just to go to dinner for the night). Ate food from about 100+ restaurants. Learned the ins and outs of the San Diego restaurant industry. Saw John Mayer, Train and Phillip Phillips in concert. Fell in love with exercise. Picked apples in Julian, CA. Ate a cronut. Participated in a swap meet scavenger hunt. Went to Mexico for a surprise family vacation. Traveled to Arizona, had a blast exploring Fountain Hills and seeing the world's largest fountain. Represented Dining Out at the San Diego Food and Wine Festival. Cooked my first 20 person dinner. Met Richard Blais and Sharone Hakman.Went to the San Diego Symphony. Best friend/roommate got engaged (so honored to be your bridesmaid!) Survived my 2nd to last finals ever. Raced in the mountains. Hiked in the mountains and celebrated the best Christmas yet with my wonderful family.
Those few things, among many others, will be remembered and stored as memories of 2013. But the biggest "events" of 2013 were perhaps the internal changes, realizations and growth. As good as things were, there were definitely times when life got tough, rough and certainly confusing. Things didn't add up, things didn't make sense and there were moments where I wondered where to go from here. But the beautiful part of all these moments was that the very moments of being broken or confused, you find strength, wisdom and courage that was hidden deep within. Oh the irony that the hardest place to be is very much sometimes the best place to be.
The other day I was left with a beautiful reminder by someone who has recently touched my life. The beautiful words were as follows: "There is a term that is precious to me. It is, "the holy ground of the broken heart". It is an understanding that came to be precious to me and was not always so. At one point I resisted it entirely because I feared its implication. How could one embrace the idea of a broken heart as having anything good? Why would anyone ever consider this place holy when it is so often cluttered with all that brokenness implies? After many years, I began to understand the richness and comfort of those few words. This ground is holy because it is where Christ meets us. It is holy because in this place our prayers are honest, and we realize that trying to save ourselves has consequences we didn't intend, which often leave us more broken."
I have been able to spend most of this holiday vacation outdoors and yesterday as I hiked the beautiful mountains of Santa Barbara, I reflected upon these words with my best friend Shannon. Why is that when things go great, we overlook so much? Why is that in the moments when life isn't adding up and we don't exactly know what we are doing is when the best comes out of it?
The reality is that in just 4 and 1/2 months, I graduate college and school will be no more. School to a young adult, love it or hate it, is the constant we have always known in our lives. It has been the center point of life and plans have always revolved around school, but for the first time, after 17 years, school will be no more. It is really exciting. It really is. But it also means we all have a lot of figuring out to do.
In all this uncertainty and as the new year approaches, I can say that life has been great. It really has. 2013 treated me well but the best that came out of it was a growing realization that peace and joy and calm are present no matter what, I am not on this life journey alone. Among my faith, I have really grown in my family and interpersonal relationships. I have realized a lot more about myself, about how I am and about what I expect of myself and others.
I want to do a whole lot more in this upcoming year. Meet more people, travel and explore, take risks, read a lot more books and climb more mountains. I want people in my life who want to be there, who don't put me in a box and place limitations on me but rather people who share the same passion for life, for faith and want to share themselves with me. I want to embrace the good moments and also the not so good and grow from both. I want to welcome the uncertainty as a chance to lean more on God and family and know that a path will become clear… maybe not on my time but in God's perfect timing.
2013, you were wonderful but 2014, I have a feeling you will be the best one yet!
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