Quote of the Day 9/16/14

“To love someone fiercely, to believe in something with your whole heart, to celebrate a fleeting moment in time, to fully engage in a life that doesn’t come with guarantees – these are risks that involve vulnerability and often pain. But, I’m learning that recognizing and leaning into the discomfort of vulnerability teaches us how to live with joy, gratitude and grace.”     [Brené Brown]

wanted: people who love

A few months ago I got an email from a reader asking me what is was that I valued or wanted in a relationship.  I stumbled across the email the other day after clearing out old messages and have been thinking about it ever since. Not sure if this was a friend relationship or a significant other relationship but I think that my answer will apply to both.

It's an interesting question. I mean, there are the basic things that we all want. We want love and trust and understanding and care and compatibility and shared values and interests. But I think what the reader was trying to ask was what I really value or just something that sparks interest and respect more than other things. 

As you grow older, you realize more and more the importance of good relationships in your life. You really do need other people; you need to be in community. There is only so much a single person can carry. Finding and growing these relationships is hard because in order to establish strong relationships, you've got to be vulnerable and you've got to trust this other person with the deepest and most disorganized parts of your soul. 

What I have been thinking about, especially as I enter a new chapter in life, is that what I have been really valuing and desiring are people who are intentionally seeking to pour love in others' lives. Most people want to love and take care of other people. I get that. But what I am talking about is those people who are truly intentional about doing so.Those people who actively and practically daily seek out ways to pour love into someone else's life. They step outside the safe zone of family,a significant other, or close friends and invest in people who aren't in their immediate circle or even those who are still a stranger. They love unconditionally and without some kind of dues. These actions don't always have to be grand measures or proclamations, in fact they are usually those little things... a kind word, an encouraging text, a follow up after a big exam or meeting, an invite to coffee, a compliment to a stranger, or even staying close to actually hear a response past "good" to the overly used "how are you doing?" question that end meaning the most. 

In the past few weeks, I have reinvigorated by the simple realization that there is whole lot of life out there to live. So many opportunities and places and people and things to be seen and done. While I definitely have travel fever, there are also endless opportunity for adventure in San Diego and California in general. These things which I may not have noticed before or even forgotten about are now clear and present on my mind. Pianist Arthur Rubinstein once said "I have found that if you love life, life will love you right back," and that is a quote that carries more and more meaning as the future unfolds.

So to that reader, what I really want is people who have a true love for others and a true love for life. Not the kinda "love" that dwindles when things get hard or confusing or boring, but the kind of love that burns bright regardless of circumstance. 

I want people who invest in others and seek out to make the best of every situation they are put in. I want people who have a passion for life and a way of making even small simple things the best of memories. I want people who are willing to join me in new risks and new adventures and try new things and find joy in the failures as much as the successes. People who build each other up and don't put a cap on their potentials as well as the potentials of others. I believe that it what it means to love life and that is what above all, what I want, and even more, what I really want, is to be that person to others and bleed love through everything I do and everything that I am.

If you're ready to be that person, come join me. 

Adventure awaits. 

Quote of the Day 3/6/14

"Life is often so confusing and full of metaphors and vague concepts. Very few things are concrete. How does anyone grasp these concepts, like trusting and believing and loving and worshiping, and put them into practice? How does anyone really apply them rather than just talk about them ?But I’m finding the deeper I think on this, that more than anything God is just saying, “Just give me your hows.” When I give up all of those "how" questions, I am no longer in control, which in this case is a very, very good thing. Placing these questions in His care is the absolute best thing I can do."

happiness is your choice

A few months ago I got a text that read: "I've learned that you have a great take on pretty much everything." Just a few simple words but they carried a lot of meaning. When I first read it, my initial mental response was "well doesn't everyone?" I guess in the context of whatever we were talking about, I didn't think I was saying anything great or deserving of such a statement. I was merely stating my thoughts on the matter. I guess I was just thinking that doesn't everyone try to find the silver lining or the good in the bad or outweigh positives with negatives? 

Whatever you want to call it, isn't it a whole lot easier to live when you focus on good things instead of the bad? If life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you respond to it, then doesn't that mean that we are somewhat in control in the way each day plays out?

In the past few weeks alone, I have heard a lot of conversations about pain, stress, confusion, complaints and the not so happy parts of life. At the same time, I have heard about joys, growth, love and general optimism about life. At the end of the day, the battles we are fighting and the problems we are facing are all the same. Problems are not unique. The details of a specific scenario might be, but there is nothing that has happened to someone that has never happened to anyone else. Hate to break it to you and me, but your problems and my problems and my neighbors problems are fundamentally the same. Pain always manifests itself through the same venues: because we are all human and we all make mistakes. And because we make mistakes, those mistakes hurt other people as an unfortunate by product. That is just the reality of the world we live in. 

Or maybe your problem isn't, per say, pain. Maybe you're just confused about life. Maybe you overloaded yourself and are really stressed out. Maybe you failed a test. Maybe you forgot to pack a lunch and now you're just angry out of sheer hunger. Maybe traffic is pissing you off or that car that just stole the parking space you've been waiting for. Maybe you're pissed off because your roommate never does the dishes or your boyfriend says all the wrong things. Maybe going to a class that has no relevance to life or working a job you aren't particular excited leaves you feeling moody and not particularly excited about life. To be honest, I don't blame you. Life can provide you with a million things to be not excited about and downright feeling really over it...

Or life can give you a million things to be excited about. It's kinda, actually, really up to you.

Quote of the Day 2/12/14

"Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing." [Mother Teresa]

It's been my pleasure falling in love with you.

I'm in love. 

And I'm ready to get it out in into the open.

Quote of the Day 2/9/14

“It is always the simple things that change our lives. And these things never happen when you are looking for them to happen. Life will reveal answers at the pace life wishes to do so. You feel like running, but life is on a stroll. This is how God does things.”   [Donald Miller]

Quote of the Day 2/6/14

we are a funny bunch. 

"You don't choose your family.  They are God's gift to you, as you are to them."  
[Desmond Tutu]

Quote of the Day 2/4/14

"Be present in the hard moments. The lonely moments, the phone calls, the hospital visits, the vigilant prayers for friends in need, the bad dreams, the funerals, the breakups, the airport goodbyes, the job losses, the regretting, the painfully awkward moments, the failures. The sad tears. 

Be present in the wonderful moments. The sunrises, the engagements and weddings, the babies, the concerts, the stargazing, the laughing, the long hugs, the airport hellos, the kisses, the art, the breakfasts with friends, the midnight snacks, the notes from pen-pals, the best friend sleepovers, the road trips. The God moments. The joy. The happy tears. 

Be present in all of that, and the in-between too. The taxes and emails and grocery shopping and checkbook-balancing. 

Be present in all of it."  [Author Unknown]

Quote of the Day 2/3/14

 “True friendship is a sacred, important thing, and it happens when we drop down into that deeper level of who we are, when we cross over into the broken, fragile parts of ourselves. We have to give something up in order to get friendship like that. We have to give up our need to be perceived as perfect. We have to give up our ability to control what people think of us. We have to overcome the fear that when they see the depths of who we are, they’ll leave. But what we give up is nothing in comparison to what this kind of friendship gives us. Friendship is about risk. Love is about risk. If we can control it and manage it and manufacture it, then it’s something else, but if it’s really love, really friendship, it’s a little scary around the edges.”  [Shauna Niequist]

Quote of the Day 1/31/14

Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.  [Leo Buscaglia]

Quote of the Day 1/26/14

"Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year. He is rich who owns the day, and no one owns the day who allows it to be invaded with fret and anxiety. Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities, no doubt crept in. Forget them as soon as you can, tomorrow is a new day;begin it well and serenely, with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense. This new day is too dear, with its hopes and invitations, to waste a moment on the yesterdays."  [Ralph Waldo Emerson]

Perception and Judgement

I spent this past weekend away in beautiful Julian and I right now, I'm kinda wishing I was still there. I miss being away, in the mountains, in nature and out of cellphone service range. I miss the simplicity of being out of the city and out of the busyness of life we sometimes get way too caught up in. 

Don't get me wrong, I do appreciate city life and I absolutely love living in San Diego. I also appreciate a nice restaurant, good food, symphony concerts, fast cars, Kate Spade, high heels and a chance to dress up every once in a while. 

But what I always love more than the bright lights and shiny objects that attract many are the simpler and often forgotten things people used to once enjoy a whole lot more and a whole lot more often. It is the chance to be outside, to sit on a porch in a rocking chair and watch the stars for hours. It is the chance to befriend stray animal and plant gardens and collect fresh eggs in the morning. It's horseback riding in the mountains away from everything and digging for worms with my grandpa for our next fishing trip. It's finding solace in nature and hiking for hours, appreciating the beauty of the world we live in. It's building campfires and roasting s'mores. It's the little things that cost nothing but their value is priceless. 

Growing up in the South, I spent all my time outdoors. The millions of mosquitoes, ever present risk of contracting West Nile and annihilating humidity could not keep me from the outdoors. My family didn't have cable and grass grew faster than our Internet connection but it didn't matter. I had outdoor cleaning businesses and dog walking services. I made compost piles and buried countless animals in my backyard.I grew fruits and vegetables with my grandparents and I ruined all my nice church dresses after Sunday Service but I would get lost in the woods and catch every speck of dust, dry leaves and sticks I could find. I was one happy child. Being in Julian was a reminder of childhood and the part of me I sometimes forget about and a part not many people know. 

Reflecting on these opposites in myself got me thinking about perception, judgment and how one of the most beautiful characteristics you can find in a friendship or relationship is a person who comes to understand the many facets of our personality.

People all too often take each other too quickly at surface value. Obviously if you wear a suit or high heals, you must be high maintenance. Obviously if you get a manicure, you aren't willing to camp that weekend. Obviously if you are a star sports player, you must be full of it and a jerk. Oh and obviously if you wear glasses, you must be really smart.. or a wannabe hipster. 

There can be some truth to these statements, but there is many times a whole story behind appearances and first impressions and we often fail to get to know people as a whole after learning just a part of who they are.

Life is like a puzzle

I like doing puzzles. Call me old fashioned, or maybe just old, but I really like puzzles. I've liked them ever since I was little. I used to sit and do them for hours with my grandparents. There are some inside jokes in my family about some ridiculous things I have said while "puzzling." Puzzles and I, we just go way back. And while I had abandoned them for a while, they have recently found a way back into my life. 

Forrest Gump told us that life is like a box of chocolates (you never know what you're going to get) but I'd like to think that life is more relatable to a puzzle. Life is kind of like a puzzle; you sort of know what you are getting yourself into. You just don't know the specific logistics. Like how long it will take to put together, and you don't have an absolute guarantee that all the pieces are in the box. There is both predictability and unpredictability. I guess there is that with a box of chocolates too, but I think a puzzle is a better representation.

Lately, my life feels more than ever like a puzzle. And in this puzzle, I seem to be missing the picture. You know the picture you look at it to help you know what image you are putting together? Well… I can’t seem to find it.

I'm a big picture person. You give me a task or assignment and I see the big picture first. I see the end product and then I sit down and put together the little details and plan to put it all together. Similarly, that’s how I like to do my puzzles. I look at the big picture and frame the outside and then put together everything in the middle. I think that’s how most people do puzzles; it makes sense. You get the frame put together and then you can piece all the centerpieces together. It's a whole lot easier that way. 

Quote of the Day 1/15/14

To everything there is a season,
a time for every purpose under the sun.
A time to be born and a time to die;
a time to plant and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
a time to kill and a time to heal ...
a time to weep and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn and a time to dance ...
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to lose and a time to seek;
a time to rend and a time to sew;
a time to keep silent and a time to speak;
a time to love and a time to hate;
a time for war and a time for peace.

[Book of Ecclesiastes]

Quote of the Day 1/13/14

“There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. All hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life.”     [John Lennon]

Quote of the Day 1/11/14

“Life was meant to be lived, and curiosity must be kept alive. One must never, for whatever reason, turn his back on life.”     [Eleanor Roosevelt]

What is life?

I had 11 tubes going, what a fun time it was!

So 2014 came… and it started off with some jolly good times for me. On the 2nd day of this brand new, unblemished year, I was lucky enough to be admitted for a 5 day hospital stay in beautiful La Jolla, CA. 

Is it sounding like a vacation yet? Because it definitely was no where near a vacation. 

I learned that I must have the odds in my favor because I got a 1 in 100,000 person case of a nasty Staph infection that got into my blood stream and tried to take me out. Luckily by the sheer grace of God, the wisdom of my mother and the promptness of my best friend, I got the care I needed just in time before complications set in. Lets just say I am first, thankful to be alive, thankful to not have any complications or suffer any consequences and thankful for the friends and family who came and took care of me. Second, I am done getting sick for the rest of my life and I'm not going back to the hospital unless its time to have a baby. 

Scripps La Jolla Emergency Room… we are never ever ever getting back together. I hope you understand why. 

I am now back at home, resting, recovering and preparing for my final semester of college. Less than 4 months stand between me and my undergraduate diploma. As much as I am looking forward to finishing school and moving on to the next chapter of my life, there has been a question I know I am not the only one asking: "What is life?"

I know it sounds funny and everyone always asks with it with a laugh. But really, what is life? 

Quote of the Day 1/7/14

“I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life. I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as making a "life." I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back. I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I've learned that I still have a lot to learn. I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”    [Maya Angelou]

Quote of the Day 12/31/13

An excellent reminder as 2014 approaches (and my favorite quote of all)….

"People are often unreasonable, illogical and self centered;

Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;

Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;

Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;

Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;

Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;

Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;

Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;

Give the world the best you've got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and your God;

It was never between you and them anyway."

[Mother Teresa]