A few months ago I got an email from a reader asking me what is was that I valued or wanted in a relationship. I stumbled across the email the other day after clearing out old messages and have been thinking about it ever since. Not sure if this was a friend relationship or a significant other relationship but I think that my answer will apply to both.
It's an interesting question. I mean, there are the basic things that we all want. We want love and trust and understanding and care and compatibility and shared values and interests. But I think what the reader was trying to ask was what I really value or just something that sparks interest and respect more than other things.
As you grow older, you realize more and more the importance of good relationships in your life. You really do need other people; you need to be in community. There is only so much a single person can carry. Finding and growing these relationships is hard because in order to establish strong relationships, you've got to be vulnerable and you've got to trust this other person with the deepest and most disorganized parts of your soul.
What I have been thinking about, especially as I enter a new chapter in life, is that what I have been really valuing and desiring are people who are intentionally seeking to pour love in others' lives. Most people want to love and take care of other people. I get that. But what I am talking about is those people who are truly intentional about doing so.Those people who actively and practically daily seek out ways to pour love into someone else's life. They step outside the safe zone of family,a significant other, or close friends and invest in people who aren't in their immediate circle or even those who are still a stranger. They love unconditionally and without some kind of dues. These actions don't always have to be grand measures or proclamations, in fact they are usually those little things... a kind word, an encouraging text, a follow up after a big exam or meeting, an invite to coffee, a compliment to a stranger, or even staying close to actually hear a response past "good" to the overly used "how are you doing?" question that end meaning the most.
In the past few weeks, I have reinvigorated by the simple realization that there is whole lot of life out there to live. So many opportunities and places and people and things to be seen and done. While I definitely have travel fever, there are also endless opportunity for adventure in San Diego and California in general. These things which I may not have noticed before or even forgotten about are now clear and present on my mind. Pianist Arthur Rubinstein once said "I have found that if you love life, life will love you right back," and that is a quote that carries more and more meaning as the future unfolds.
So to that reader, what I really want is people who have a true love for others and a true love for life. Not the kinda "love" that dwindles when things get hard or confusing or boring, but the kind of love that burns bright regardless of circumstance.
I want people who invest in others and seek out to make the best of every situation they are put in. I want people who have a passion for life and a way of making even small simple things the best of memories. I want people who are willing to join me in new risks and new adventures and try new things and find joy in the failures as much as the successes. People who build each other up and don't put a cap on their potentials as well as the potentials of others. I believe that it what it means to love life and that is what above all, what I want, and even more, what I really want, is to be that person to others and bleed love through everything I do and everything that I am.
If you're ready to be that person, come join me.
Adventure awaits.
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