reflecting on Summer '11

     It's hard to believe that summer is just about over. I feel like it was just yesterday that I was packing up my room at Loma, wondering exactly what summer '11 was going to bring. Three months came and went. What started as one of the hardest summers turned into one pretty incredible summer. It wasn't that I really went anywhere, I found what I needed and so much more right at my doorstep.
     My summer revolved around home #2 (Nordstrom) and home #3 (Spectrum Athletic Club) but somewhere in between things just clicked. First off I got to work with some pretty amazing girls, some I knew and some I didn't coming back, but I am so happy I got to know these people. They are some pretty special people with the best of advice, knowledge and stories. It was more then work, it was a bond. As a girl, you find it hard to talk to other girls because of a lack of trust, but somehow it almost felt like a little family. It made the "slow" days fly by and if frustrated/confused/contemplative/etc/etc there was always someone willing to listen and willing to understand. Thank you to these very special women who each have an overabundance of potential. (and ps. shout out to spectrum, I logged over 160 hours at the gym this summer, a personal best.)
     Little things here and there have added up to some major realizations and life lessons. One of things I really learned is just how honest the quote "its always easier said than done." No matter how much we say we are going to do something, its many times a whole lot harder. Especially the idea that the most important words are the hardest to say. Sometimes these words are needed so much, and they can be right there, on the tip of your tongue and not come out. 
     I have found connections with people that I never thought I would. New people, old acquaintances, faded friendships came my way and some pretty amazing relationships formed. The hard part of ending summer is the question of where these connections will go. Will they continue or will they fade? Where do we place each other in our lives? Do you ask that? or do you keep living, knowing whats meant to be finds a way? We all have these questions, but seriously, try being a girl, these types of questions are engraved in our minds and there's no way to get around them. 
     I have learned the importance of letting people in. I am still learning to accept that not everyone will care about you as much as you care about them, but nevertheless to keep caring. I have learned that when I love, I love big and am also learning the flip side. You can love someone to the point where you would do anything for them, but the receiver may not return the favor. Yes, it hurts unbelievably when you care about someone beyond words yet aren't certain the feeling is mutual.
     Throughout everything, I cannot help but see the importance of living each day, one day at a time. Yes, the past should ever be forgotten, it breaks you and makes you and matures you and yes the future should be prepared for, but being anxious changes nothing.
     I have less then 48 hours before I leave Santa Barbara. I will miss the routine, the places, and most certainly the people. I don't want to let go but have to accept some people will let me go. That is just life, change is inevitable. But one of my closet friends has repeated the same line over and over to me again all summer. Here's his words of wisdom: "No matter what, in the end, things always fall into place." As summer finishes and I transition to a new season, I am so excited and scared at the same time. I cannot wait to meet new people and share new experiences, but I am also scared for those I am leaving behind, but at the end of the day, it is what it is, there's always a reason for why people from your past don't make it into your future. The ones that matter do and the ones that don't... don't make the transition into fall.
    
    
             Thank you to everyone who contributed to my summer. I love you all and value your wisdoms and words. 

Things I've come to realize over the past year

There have been so many changes in the past year/year and a half. So much joy, excitement, pain and worry and throughout it all I have come to learn little things about myself and life and whatever else happens to cross my mind. Here's a few...


1. College makes you extremely money conscience.
    It's not like I have ever been a crazy spender. I have been working since junior high and the  money I spend is the money I worked hard for. I do have a credit card, but I pay it off every month in full. However, because I cannot be a full time student and a full time worker, I am on extremely limited funds. The kind of limited where you cannot put fruit on your fro-yo because you cant afford to pay the extra dollar... haha.


2. I cannot think in a dirty room.
    My roommate and I try to keep our room quite clean and I do not think I could not have it otherwise. Plus my mother has always told me that the state of one's home reflects the state of their mind.


3. Its not about what you do, but who you are with.
    I have always known this but this past year has really reflected the beautiful thing we call friendship. Even spending 3 hours walking around Target can provide you with the most amazing of memories as long as you are with good company. 
4. I am more attached to my family then I thought I was.


    We have always been close, yet the first month at Point Loma I was beyond homesick. Before,  I was so eager to be on my own yet eventually a life without family is a life short-lived.


5. College makes you a hoarder.
    I've almost become like my grandma who recycles christmas wrapping paper and takes ketchup packets from fast food places. Due to limited funds and rising prices, you end up taking  any plastic utensils, salt/pepper/sugar packets, plastic cups/plates, napkins, samples you can get your hands on. Its a free country right?


6. Scheduling/Planning is a must.
    Don't get me wrong, I love being spontaneous but when theres a million assignments due every week, scheduling is the only way to get it done and remain sane. I have appreciated so much the people who give me a heads up on their plans and ideas. Its so nice when I can get all my work done, fit in sleep and get to live a little.


7. Graduate school isn't really an option
    Getting my masters is not an option, it has to happen. If I ever want to be taken seriously in the world of politics, don't bother trying to impress someone with your bachelors. So what if you have spent over $100,000 on school? Everyone does that these days I guess. Graduate school, here I come...


8. Coffee is like water.
    .... even when I was drinking 16 cups a day, nothing was happening. So much for an energy boast!


9. Exercise makes me happy.
    I run about 25+ miles a week. I have really pushed myself to get in shape. Its good for you and its good for your body. Double win.


10. Nothing is possible on your own.
     No matter how strong you are, you will crash and burn at some point. The only way to live fully is to live hand in hand with our loving, supporting heavenly father. He knows what is best for each of us and if we ask, will provide us with the desires of our hearts. He has the most perfect plan for each of us. If we can just commit to trust in Him, nothing will be impossible.

the upside of change

     Fact about me: I do not really like moving. Moving rooms, houses, cities, countries... just the though of having to pack tons of boxes and then unpack them makes me cringe, throw in the idea of getting used to a new place called home, well I might just cry. Even though I usually do not cry, I cannot help but get sentimental. 
     This weekend, I had to go home to help my family do some packing and some moving around. As eager as I was to help, I could not dismiss the memories flooding into my mind at the sight of furniture leaving, and old things being tossed away. Now do not get me wrong, hoarding is wrong and i actually quite enjoyed tossing kitchen appliances and glass vases into a dumpster and watching them break into a million pieces... extreme home makeover much? But as I drove away, I could not help but think "things will never be the same."
     While part of that statement is true, I realized that I was not looking at the bigger picture. The fact is that so many positives things come out of change.  Change is the how we grow and how we mature. If we always stay in one place, in one town and with the same people, the more we will grow comfortable and resistant. Looking back on my big move Georgia to California, I realized how many countless blessings came out of that very, very painful move. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I would be a completely different person had it not happened and to be honest, I am not sure I would still want to be that same person. I was pushed beyond my comfort zones, to the point where it transformed, motivated me and because of that move, I am more bold, more firm in what I believe and know what direction I want to take in life.
     While I was at home, I realized even more how much I appreciate my family. My uncles Tim and Daniel, put so much heart in there work that it put tears in my eyes. These men worked beyond limits, beyond pain, wanting only to help us much as they could. Work was not seized till everything was done, and till we felt comfortable and at ease. Although I know they had a million other tasks and responsibilities, we become their number one priority. For hours they worked humbly without complain. They are men worthy of praise, I cannot thank them enough and I want to marry a man who is like one of my uncles.
     This past year has been an experience in its own. I have moved and live a new life in San Diego with friends that are incredible, loving and completely understanding. I have gained and lost things over the past year but looking back there is nothing I want back. Everything that has been lost, has been lost for a purpose. I know I may still shed a tear or too, next time change comes from around the corner, but those tears will only be tears of joy.