reflecting on Summer '11

     It's hard to believe that summer is just about over. I feel like it was just yesterday that I was packing up my room at Loma, wondering exactly what summer '11 was going to bring. Three months came and went. What started as one of the hardest summers turned into one pretty incredible summer. It wasn't that I really went anywhere, I found what I needed and so much more right at my doorstep.
     My summer revolved around home #2 (Nordstrom) and home #3 (Spectrum Athletic Club) but somewhere in between things just clicked. First off I got to work with some pretty amazing girls, some I knew and some I didn't coming back, but I am so happy I got to know these people. They are some pretty special people with the best of advice, knowledge and stories. It was more then work, it was a bond. As a girl, you find it hard to talk to other girls because of a lack of trust, but somehow it almost felt like a little family. It made the "slow" days fly by and if frustrated/confused/contemplative/etc/etc there was always someone willing to listen and willing to understand. Thank you to these very special women who each have an overabundance of potential. (and ps. shout out to spectrum, I logged over 160 hours at the gym this summer, a personal best.)
     Little things here and there have added up to some major realizations and life lessons. One of things I really learned is just how honest the quote "its always easier said than done." No matter how much we say we are going to do something, its many times a whole lot harder. Especially the idea that the most important words are the hardest to say. Sometimes these words are needed so much, and they can be right there, on the tip of your tongue and not come out. 
     I have found connections with people that I never thought I would. New people, old acquaintances, faded friendships came my way and some pretty amazing relationships formed. The hard part of ending summer is the question of where these connections will go. Will they continue or will they fade? Where do we place each other in our lives? Do you ask that? or do you keep living, knowing whats meant to be finds a way? We all have these questions, but seriously, try being a girl, these types of questions are engraved in our minds and there's no way to get around them. 
     I have learned the importance of letting people in. I am still learning to accept that not everyone will care about you as much as you care about them, but nevertheless to keep caring. I have learned that when I love, I love big and am also learning the flip side. You can love someone to the point where you would do anything for them, but the receiver may not return the favor. Yes, it hurts unbelievably when you care about someone beyond words yet aren't certain the feeling is mutual.
     Throughout everything, I cannot help but see the importance of living each day, one day at a time. Yes, the past should ever be forgotten, it breaks you and makes you and matures you and yes the future should be prepared for, but being anxious changes nothing.
     I have less then 48 hours before I leave Santa Barbara. I will miss the routine, the places, and most certainly the people. I don't want to let go but have to accept some people will let me go. That is just life, change is inevitable. But one of my closet friends has repeated the same line over and over to me again all summer. Here's his words of wisdom: "No matter what, in the end, things always fall into place." As summer finishes and I transition to a new season, I am so excited and scared at the same time. I cannot wait to meet new people and share new experiences, but I am also scared for those I am leaving behind, but at the end of the day, it is what it is, there's always a reason for why people from your past don't make it into your future. The ones that matter do and the ones that don't... don't make the transition into fall.
    
    
             Thank you to everyone who contributed to my summer. I love you all and value your wisdoms and words. 

time flies

I can hardly believe that I am half way done with summer break. I just got home but already the thoughts of returning to San Diego have been crossing my mind on a daily basis. I am working full time so the days have flown by so quickly. In between the realities of work and life, I have had time to clear my head. As much as I love my school and what I am learning, sometimes all the deadlines and homework and exams cloud my mind and I don't really get the ability to think about other things.

I guess one thing that has been on my mind more then ever is that I am a place in my life where I feel like I am being called to let a significant other become part of my life. In a way, it makes me laugh and at the same time scares me. Letting someone in has never been easy for me or for most people to say the least. We have all had our share of heartbreaks and heartaches and sometimes after it all we lose our hope for humanity. The other part of this is that it is kinda out of my hands. I may want it sooner, but it may come later. Whoever said patience is a virtue was definitely right. Waiting is hard, especially when you are tired of waiting or simply do not want to wait but maybe the person who said patience is a virtue, also said that good things come to those who wait :)

Things I've come to realize over the past year

There have been so many changes in the past year/year and a half. So much joy, excitement, pain and worry and throughout it all I have come to learn little things about myself and life and whatever else happens to cross my mind. Here's a few...


1. College makes you extremely money conscience.
    It's not like I have ever been a crazy spender. I have been working since junior high and the  money I spend is the money I worked hard for. I do have a credit card, but I pay it off every month in full. However, because I cannot be a full time student and a full time worker, I am on extremely limited funds. The kind of limited where you cannot put fruit on your fro-yo because you cant afford to pay the extra dollar... haha.


2. I cannot think in a dirty room.
    My roommate and I try to keep our room quite clean and I do not think I could not have it otherwise. Plus my mother has always told me that the state of one's home reflects the state of their mind.


3. Its not about what you do, but who you are with.
    I have always known this but this past year has really reflected the beautiful thing we call friendship. Even spending 3 hours walking around Target can provide you with the most amazing of memories as long as you are with good company. 
4. I am more attached to my family then I thought I was.


    We have always been close, yet the first month at Point Loma I was beyond homesick. Before,  I was so eager to be on my own yet eventually a life without family is a life short-lived.


5. College makes you a hoarder.
    I've almost become like my grandma who recycles christmas wrapping paper and takes ketchup packets from fast food places. Due to limited funds and rising prices, you end up taking  any plastic utensils, salt/pepper/sugar packets, plastic cups/plates, napkins, samples you can get your hands on. Its a free country right?


6. Scheduling/Planning is a must.
    Don't get me wrong, I love being spontaneous but when theres a million assignments due every week, scheduling is the only way to get it done and remain sane. I have appreciated so much the people who give me a heads up on their plans and ideas. Its so nice when I can get all my work done, fit in sleep and get to live a little.


7. Graduate school isn't really an option
    Getting my masters is not an option, it has to happen. If I ever want to be taken seriously in the world of politics, don't bother trying to impress someone with your bachelors. So what if you have spent over $100,000 on school? Everyone does that these days I guess. Graduate school, here I come...


8. Coffee is like water.
    .... even when I was drinking 16 cups a day, nothing was happening. So much for an energy boast!


9. Exercise makes me happy.
    I run about 25+ miles a week. I have really pushed myself to get in shape. Its good for you and its good for your body. Double win.


10. Nothing is possible on your own.
     No matter how strong you are, you will crash and burn at some point. The only way to live fully is to live hand in hand with our loving, supporting heavenly father. He knows what is best for each of us and if we ask, will provide us with the desires of our hearts. He has the most perfect plan for each of us. If we can just commit to trust in Him, nothing will be impossible.