Dear Courtney...

An open letter to the girl turned roommate turned friend turned best friend turned sister

Dear Courtney
We often joke around that you are the reason I stayed. As much as we joke around about it, that is very much the truth. I loved PLNU from the beginning but felt that I could never truly connect with people there. Let me tell you. I was so completely, utterly wrong, just about as wrong as I was about that other thing (*inside joke, you'll get it). I developed many genuine connections and most of all I developed a friendship with you. Little did I know that I would be leaving college with a discovery of a sister and a life long friend.
After roughly 4 years, 1460 days, 35,000 hours, 2100000 minutes together and about every experience possible experienced together, I quite literally would not be the person I am today if it wasn't for you. Death, break ups, boy problems, boy crazes, academic successes, failed exam, jobs offered and jobs turned away, family misunderstands, leasing our first apartment, car problems and just dealing with life. I could write pages on the experiences we have shared and overcome together.
You were by my side when I cried for hours and poured more water than Niagara Falls. You let me tell you the same story over and over again and listened with an open heart and open mind every time. You forced me to go to the hospital and saved my life. You came to my rescue that one time my credit cards wouldn’t work. You have forgiven me for the many times I hit you in my sleep. You’ve let me into your family and you’ve welcomed mine with open arms. You can understand what's going on by a single glance and I will forever believe in our "roommate telepathy." You are a true, one of a kind, genuine, honest, beautiful, driven woman and I don’t thank God enough that I get to call you my best friend.

The amount of similarities we share is from what I have been told is “unheard of” and people often tell us that we got “really lucky,” but I know for a fact that we did not get lucky. Only God could have made our friendship possible and you are by far the biggest blessing that came from my time at Point Loma. I remember our first “roommate bonding” experiencing when we decided that walking 10 miles to get Fiji yogurt was a great idea. Since then our adventures have consisted of the most unusual places and pairings but every moment spent with you has endless potential to be some of the best moments of the day. I still laugh when I recall how you flew out of the courtesy shuttle and we ended up pretending to be old people at a 24 hour Walgreens, laughing until our eyes were filled with tears.

In my prayers, I selfishly ask that come Sunday at 5 PM, we will find out that nothing changes and I will still awake to the cup of coffee you leave every morning on my bedside table and come home to Wednesday Melissa and Joey nights. We can complain to each other about the misery of getting dressed and talk about how all we want to do is wear work out clothes every day. We will continue to spam each other with recipes and restaurant news and continue to share 4 dozen eggs, jugs of salsa and boxes of almond milk. You will continue to play “let it go” and I will put up with it. I will continue to laugh at you when you get coffee high and the fact that you save your tea bags for days.  You understand that a pound of carrots and a gallon of salsa totally qualify as a meal and engaging in a full on twitter conversation is acceptable as well.
  

When we find out whether we get to continue our heaven sent rooming set up or whether you continue to spread your love and joy in a city up north, I want you to know you will always be one of my best friends. What I don’t know is who will engage in Badunkachunk cookie runs with me or call every Fiji in town asking, “Can you tell me what your Wow-Cow flavor is today?”  I really don’t want to lose you to San Francisco but if that just so happens to be God’s plan, I want you to know that no amount of miles can ever distance you from my heart. 

Thank you for teaching me about life. Thank you for your living example of drive and dedication. Thank you for demonstrating what it means to love and care. Thank you for being an example of what it means to be a student, a sister, a daughter, a friend, a worker and a sister in Christ. Thank you for inspiring me to take on new challenges and for stopping me when my choices were not on par. Thank you for everything you have done and said and cleaned and picked up and delivered and signed for me but most of you, thank you for being the person I could ALWAYS count down. Not matter the time, no matter the day, I always know that you are there and that will never change. 

  

I love you so much and I am so excited for whatever life brings us next. There is nothing more that I want for you than to be given your heart’s desires. God knows you deserve them and than some.

 With endless love and gratitude,Your crazy Russian partner in crime

wanted: people who love

A few months ago I got an email from a reader asking me what is was that I valued or wanted in a relationship.  I stumbled across the email the other day after clearing out old messages and have been thinking about it ever since. Not sure if this was a friend relationship or a significant other relationship but I think that my answer will apply to both.

It's an interesting question. I mean, there are the basic things that we all want. We want love and trust and understanding and care and compatibility and shared values and interests. But I think what the reader was trying to ask was what I really value or just something that sparks interest and respect more than other things. 

As you grow older, you realize more and more the importance of good relationships in your life. You really do need other people; you need to be in community. There is only so much a single person can carry. Finding and growing these relationships is hard because in order to establish strong relationships, you've got to be vulnerable and you've got to trust this other person with the deepest and most disorganized parts of your soul. 

What I have been thinking about, especially as I enter a new chapter in life, is that what I have been really valuing and desiring are people who are intentionally seeking to pour love in others' lives. Most people want to love and take care of other people. I get that. But what I am talking about is those people who are truly intentional about doing so.Those people who actively and practically daily seek out ways to pour love into someone else's life. They step outside the safe zone of family,a significant other, or close friends and invest in people who aren't in their immediate circle or even those who are still a stranger. They love unconditionally and without some kind of dues. These actions don't always have to be grand measures or proclamations, in fact they are usually those little things... a kind word, an encouraging text, a follow up after a big exam or meeting, an invite to coffee, a compliment to a stranger, or even staying close to actually hear a response past "good" to the overly used "how are you doing?" question that end meaning the most. 

In the past few weeks, I have reinvigorated by the simple realization that there is whole lot of life out there to live. So many opportunities and places and people and things to be seen and done. While I definitely have travel fever, there are also endless opportunity for adventure in San Diego and California in general. These things which I may not have noticed before or even forgotten about are now clear and present on my mind. Pianist Arthur Rubinstein once said "I have found that if you love life, life will love you right back," and that is a quote that carries more and more meaning as the future unfolds.

So to that reader, what I really want is people who have a true love for others and a true love for life. Not the kinda "love" that dwindles when things get hard or confusing or boring, but the kind of love that burns bright regardless of circumstance. 

I want people who invest in others and seek out to make the best of every situation they are put in. I want people who have a passion for life and a way of making even small simple things the best of memories. I want people who are willing to join me in new risks and new adventures and try new things and find joy in the failures as much as the successes. People who build each other up and don't put a cap on their potentials as well as the potentials of others. I believe that it what it means to love life and that is what above all, what I want, and even more, what I really want, is to be that person to others and bleed love through everything I do and everything that I am.

If you're ready to be that person, come join me. 

Adventure awaits. 

Quote of the Day 3/24/14

When you come against the real message of the Gospel, you always find two things that are shocking: it demands more than you thought and it offers more to you than you ever dreamed.  [Tim Keller]

Quote of the Day 3/22/14

If through a broken heart God can bring His purposes to pass in the world, then thank Him for breaking your heart   [Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest]

Quote of the Day 3/10/14

The perfect quote as I head out to camp with a group of friends to celebrate our final spring break together. See you in a few days technology :)

Quote of the Day 3/6/14

"Life is often so confusing and full of metaphors and vague concepts. Very few things are concrete. How does anyone grasp these concepts, like trusting and believing and loving and worshiping, and put them into practice? How does anyone really apply them rather than just talk about them ?But I’m finding the deeper I think on this, that more than anything God is just saying, “Just give me your hows.” When I give up all of those "how" questions, I am no longer in control, which in this case is a very, very good thing. Placing these questions in His care is the absolute best thing I can do."

Quote of the Day 3/5/14

"Love is the only way to grasp another human being in the innermost core of his personality. No one can become fully aware of the very essence of another human being unless he loves him. By his love he is enabled to see the essential traits and features in the beloved person; and even more, he sees that which is potential in him, which is not yet actualized but yet ought to be actualized. Furthermore, by his love, the loving person enables the beloved person to actualize these potentialities. By making him aware of what he can be and of what he should become, he makes these potentialities come true."   - Viktor Frank

Quote of the Day 3/3/14

Hello March! Excited that you are here :)

"Whenever you find tears in your eyes, especially unexpected tears, it is well to pay the closest attention. They are not only telling you something about the secret of who you are, but more often than not God is speaking to you through them of the mystery of where you have come from and is summoning you to where, if your soul is to be saved, you should go to next. "  [Frederick Buechner]

Quote of the Day 2/19/14

An excerpt taken from "The Adventure of Waiting" by Endya Joy

"His words will always be filled with grace and encouragement because he will continuously wash you with the water of the Word. The favor of God will be evident on his life because his pursuit will be to go deeper into the heart of God. He will be a mighty warrior of God balanced with compassion, grace, and love. God’s glory will be displayed in his life. The Holy Spirit will fill him and rest upon him.

You will know him because he will walk in victory and integrity- a defender of Truth. He will have a servant’s heart who can humbly admit when he is wrong. There is not a prideful or arrogant bone in his body. He will put other’s needs before his own. He will have a pure heart and desire to walk in constant consecration before the Lord. He will guard and protect your purity and heart. His purpose and vision will beautifully connect with yours. He will be an amazing leader and provider. He will be responsible and mature. He will be a gentleman. Oh, and he will be handsome too.

No, he will not be perfect but he will be in the process of being perfected by Christ."

A post worth reading for ladies (and men) in waiting. Read the rest here: 

http://www.wholemagazine.org/2014/02/the-adventure-of-waiting.html

happiness is your choice

A few months ago I got a text that read: "I've learned that you have a great take on pretty much everything." Just a few simple words but they carried a lot of meaning. When I first read it, my initial mental response was "well doesn't everyone?" I guess in the context of whatever we were talking about, I didn't think I was saying anything great or deserving of such a statement. I was merely stating my thoughts on the matter. I guess I was just thinking that doesn't everyone try to find the silver lining or the good in the bad or outweigh positives with negatives? 

Whatever you want to call it, isn't it a whole lot easier to live when you focus on good things instead of the bad? If life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you respond to it, then doesn't that mean that we are somewhat in control in the way each day plays out?

In the past few weeks alone, I have heard a lot of conversations about pain, stress, confusion, complaints and the not so happy parts of life. At the same time, I have heard about joys, growth, love and general optimism about life. At the end of the day, the battles we are fighting and the problems we are facing are all the same. Problems are not unique. The details of a specific scenario might be, but there is nothing that has happened to someone that has never happened to anyone else. Hate to break it to you and me, but your problems and my problems and my neighbors problems are fundamentally the same. Pain always manifests itself through the same venues: because we are all human and we all make mistakes. And because we make mistakes, those mistakes hurt other people as an unfortunate by product. That is just the reality of the world we live in. 

Or maybe your problem isn't, per say, pain. Maybe you're just confused about life. Maybe you overloaded yourself and are really stressed out. Maybe you failed a test. Maybe you forgot to pack a lunch and now you're just angry out of sheer hunger. Maybe traffic is pissing you off or that car that just stole the parking space you've been waiting for. Maybe you're pissed off because your roommate never does the dishes or your boyfriend says all the wrong things. Maybe going to a class that has no relevance to life or working a job you aren't particular excited leaves you feeling moody and not particularly excited about life. To be honest, I don't blame you. Life can provide you with a million things to be not excited about and downright feeling really over it...

Or life can give you a million things to be excited about. It's kinda, actually, really up to you.