Dear Mama

"She is clothed with strength and dignity;
    she can laugh at the days to come.
 She speaks with wisdom,
    and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
 She watches over the affairs of her household
    and does not eat the bread of idleness.
 Her children arise and call her blessed;
    her husband also, and he praises her:
 “Many women do noble things
    but you surpass them all.”
 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
    but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
 Honor her for all that her hands have done,
    and let her works bring her praise at the city gate."
(Proverbs 31)

An open letter to my mother,

Dear Mama,

     When I was 7, I wanted to be an ice skater and you said “no.” When I was 10, I wanted to be a dolphin trainer, and you said “no.” When I was 15, I wanted to be a stylist, and you said “no.” This may sound like a very depressing conversation and for a 7 or 10 or 15 year old with the biggest of dreams, it very well did sound like that. But now as a 22 year old with now even bigger dreams, the multitude of ‘”no’s” that I have heard in my life were exactly what I needed. You were not the mom who approved of average grades, half colored pictures or weak performances. To a little girl it may seem so confusing but to an adult woman, it was just what was needed. Maybe part of me still hopes I can scoot by with half hearted attempts in my moments of laziness and complacency, but your resounding “no” has through my life journey stopped me from settling on anything short of my very best. You have taught me to push harder and give more, 100% can many times be 110%. Though I have lived only half the lifetime you have, the commitment to excellence you have taught me has already done me well. If I ever do receive praise or compliments, I can only humbly deter them to you because you are the reason for my success.

     Boys and beds were also two things you had strong, one-liner, imperative statements: “Never chase after boys” and “Always make your bed.” I promise I am still trying to live by these rules, and I hope to pass these on to my daughter one day too. Nothing is more valuable that your rules have kept my heart, soul and body safe and sound for my future prince. Furthermore, the biggest lesson I have learned is one that many could only dream to learn. I have learned what love is, what it looks like, what it sounds like and what it is suppose to feel like. Love, I have learned, means ongoing sacrifice, limitless forgiveness, unfailing grace and always letting the other have the first bite. Mama, I have watched you give yourself wholeheartedly to your God, your family, your work and even to those who are not very nice. With grace and elegance, you never fail to grab hold of a room, unknowing the awe in which people around you stand. I believe you would give Grace Kelly, Princess Diana, and Kate Middleton quite a run for their money.

     You still know exactly what you do to me when you say the words “Don’t disappoint me.” No matter if I am in Santa Barbara, San Diego, or Rome, I know you are watching my Facebook, my Instagram, and emails from home. What I did not know then, but I know now, is that it’s not a lack of trust but an honest truth of the value of accountability and knowledge that even the strongest fall down. Over the past few years, our dynamics have changed; instead of mother and daughter we have become friend to friend. We share secrets, we share pain, we share dreams, the only thing that has not changed is that you ask me “Have you met any nice boys?” Don’t worry Mom, when I do, I promise you will be the first to know. I have learned very well that when I do not run them by you, you get the fair chance of saying “I told you so.” But that is just how our relationship is: it is honest, it is raw and I would not want it any way. No matter what part of the world life has taken me, I always miss our late night chats, morning coffee follow ups and you asking why I have not made my bed.

     If I had the time, and people had better attention spans, I could write pages upon pages singing your praises, sharing your wisdoms and copyrighting your quotes. But even you, as you read this, will probably have your cell ring a dozen times, every person asking you to come and solve his or her problems. You will probably take off before even finishing this post, because that’s what you do. You are a master chef, a problem solver, party planner, medic, personal driver and so many other things all in one. Heaven must have lost an angel when God gave you to me as my mom.  Sometimes I hate that I have to share you, but remember you taught me to share and give? I promise I am trying, but it is hard when there’s only one of you. Now I get to tell you “no” and not just to certain outfits, or furniture, or family photos, but No Mom, do not stop being the wonderful mother you have always been. I know everyone says their mother is the best, but really, you are. You are my angel, my mentor, my guidance, my best friend and I would not be me if you were not you.

Happy Mother’s Day.

I love you Mom.