For the past few weeks I have been reading "The Road Less Traveled" for my psychology class. The author, Scott Peck, challenges the reader on the topics of love, life, relationships, etc. I had to write a paper on the section of Love and thought I would share it with y'all! Enjoy!
Peck does a great job explaining love in this section of his book. He makes many good observations about what love is and is not. Unfortunately our society has come to think of love as just a feeling. Teens in high school claim to “be in love.” Marriages begin in “love” but end in divorce. I cannot say that I have ever been in love, but I can say one thing for sure: true love never ends. I disagree with Peck when he says that no one has ever arrived at a truly satisfactory definition of love. Our heavenly father has given us the best definition of what love is: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails,” (1 Corinthians 13:4).
Our society these days throws around the word love without realizing how truly deep and complex that 4-letter word is. Love is eternal, unfailing and selfless. It is not a temporary feeling of warmth, giggles and butterflies in your stomach. When high school students mention that they “love” their boyfriend or girlfriend, it honestly makes me cringe. It is not because I want to be a pessimist (I have always been an optimist), but because love does not just come that easy. As Peck says, love is discipline and hard work. It requires suffering and pain. Love is not just having a great time with someone and sharing good communication, it is more then that. Frankly, true love only comes when two people have been brought together by God. If everyone was in “love” like they claimed to be, then the divorce rate would not be sky high as it is today. It is clear that society has some serious misconceptions on what love it.
I would agree with Peck that one of the biggest misconceptions of love is that love is dependency. Too many times, couples feel like they constantly need to be with or around each other. If they are not with each other every day or in contact every minute then they are weak, disheartened and almost depressed. Many times couples break up because they claim that they did not have enough time together. It is true that in order to further a relationship, time is crucial. However, love is not dependency. Loves is when you are okay on your own, but choose to be with someone else. You must be complete on your own before you can enter a relationship. People enter relationships thinking that another individual can complete them. One of the best talks I had with my mom was earlier this year when we talked about relationships and marriage. My mother, being the wise woman she is, said to me: “Lydia, no matter how perfect a man may be, you will always want more. There are certain gaps or aspects of your life and heart that only God can fill.”
Peck argues that love is an extension of self rather then self-sacrifice. Love may not require sacrificing yourself, but it will require sacrificing some of your wants, desires and even aspirations. When you decide to love someone, you accept that you will have to give up parts of your life. The biggest example of this would be the relationship between parents and children. I have seen first hand the sacrifices my parents have made for me because they love me. My parents may want, and beyond a shadow of a doubt deserve, a vacation, however they unconditionally live paycheck to paycheck to help me to go the school of my dreams. They knew that sending me to private school would stretch them, thin yet because they love me, they put me first before themselves. There is a fine line between sacrificing yourself and sacrificing your desires. You cannot let your loved ones walk all over you, but you must be willing to put others’ desires ahead of your own.
I have heard the quote: “It is better to have loved and lost then to never have loved at all,” many times. The risk of loss may just be the hardest aspect of love. Some will avoid love all together, fearing the hurt that inevitably comes along with love. They will flee the scene instead of attempting to fix what is broken. They will accept isolation instead of risking hurt. Often times you will see “perfect” couples in which one of the people will abruptly leave the relationship with no explanation. They will eventually come to say, “I was not good enough or other absurd reasons to justify their actions.” I would argue that these are the people that are not willing to hurt. They will rather not love at all, then love and possibly one day hurt.
Despite the hurt and pain love may bring, at the end of the day God intended for us to love and be loved. Unfortunately our society often times gives love too freely to all the wrong people and for all the wrong reasons. Love is not about feeling complete or about having fairy tale dates or about receiving constant attention. It is about extending yourself for the spiritual growth of another. You give up your personal time and personal desires to meet the desires of your loved one. The ultimate example of love is when God came down to Earth from heaven to die for us so that we may live. We may not be called to die on a cross but we can love sacrificially so that others may see the love of Christ in us.
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