"She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
“Many women do noble things
but you surpass them all.”
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate."
(Proverbs 31)
An open letter to my mother,
When I was 7, I wanted to be an ice
skater and you said “no.” When I was 10, I wanted to be a dolphin trainer, and
you said “no.” When I was 15, I wanted to be a stylist, and you said “no.” This
may sound like a very depressing conversation and for a 7 or 10 or 15 year old
with the biggest of dreams, it very well did sound like that. But now as a 22
year old with now even bigger dreams, the multitude of ‘”no’s” that I have
heard in my life were exactly what I needed. You were not the mom who approved
of average grades, half colored pictures or weak performances. To a little girl
it may seem so confusing but to an adult woman, it was just what was needed.
Maybe part of me still hopes I can scoot by with half hearted attempts in my
moments of laziness and complacency, but your resounding “no” has through my
life journey stopped me from settling on anything short of my very best. You
have taught me to push harder and give more, 100% can many times be 110%.
Though I have lived only half the lifetime you have, the commitment to
excellence you have taught me has already done me well. If I ever do receive
praise or compliments, I can only humbly deter them to you because you are the
reason for my success.
Boys and beds were also two things
you had strong, one-liner, imperative statements: “Never chase after boys” and
“Always make your bed.” I promise I am still trying to live by these rules, and
I hope to pass these on to my daughter one day too. Nothing is more valuable
that your rules have kept my heart, soul and body safe and sound for my future
prince. Furthermore, the biggest lesson I have learned is one that many could
only dream to learn. I have learned what love is, what it looks like, what it
sounds like and what it is suppose to feel like. Love, I have learned, means
ongoing sacrifice, limitless forgiveness, unfailing grace and always letting
the other have the first bite. Mama, I have watched you give yourself
wholeheartedly to your God, your family, your work and even to those who are
not very nice. With grace and elegance, you never fail to grab hold of a room,
unknowing the awe in which people around you stand. I believe you would give
Grace Kelly, Princess Diana, and Kate Middleton quite a run for their money.
You still know exactly what you do
to me when you say the words “Don’t disappoint me.” No matter if I am in Santa
Barbara, San Diego, or Rome, I know you are watching my Facebook, my Instagram,
and emails from home. What I did not know then, but I know now, is that it’s
not a lack of trust but an honest truth of the value of accountability and
knowledge that even the strongest fall down. Over the past few years, our
dynamics have changed; instead of mother and daughter we have become friend to
friend. We share secrets, we share pain, we share dreams, the only thing that
has not changed is that you ask me “Have you met any nice boys?” Don’t worry
Mom, when I do, I promise you will be the first to know. I have learned very
well that when I do not run them by you, you get the fair chance of saying “I
told you so.” But that is just how our relationship is: it is honest, it is raw
and I would not want it any way. No matter what part of the world life has
taken me, I always miss our late night chats, morning coffee follow ups and you
asking why I have not made my bed.
