Quote of the Day 7/27/11

20 random facts about me

.... the title says it all.


1. I have an extra rib. not sure why.
2. A cup of coffee always makes me smile.
3. I am russian but most commonly mistaken for asian/hawaiian/polynesian. 
4. I live on Fage, nonfat, plain greek yogurt. 
5. No my parents are not associated with any mafias.
6. I have never had any surgeries or broken a bone
7. I will be living abroad very soon :)
8. I have a 6th sense in regards to being able to read people.
9. My grandpa spent 9 years in prison for standing up for what he believed in.
10. The quality I admire most in people is thoughtfulness.
11. I am dying to go to Australia, Britain and South Africa 
12. I have an obsession with all things British.
13. I have a need for speed. Ideally, the best career ever would be to race cars.
14. I have fallen in love... with my Mini Cooper.
15. I have never held a grudge against anyone.
16. My family is my life.
17. I love quotes. As in, reading good quotations by amazing people, past and present. 
18. Summer is my favorite time of the year.
19. Bugs don't scare me, dirt doesnt scare. I love adventures, the outdoors, and "man-ly" tasks. I will paint your house, assemble furniture and change your tires. 
20. Take me out to dinner and I'll appreciate more then you can imagine

Confessions from the Heart

     Summer has always been my favorite time of the year. I always look forward to the warm weather, summer parties, family time, tanning, traveling and just taking a time out from school. This summer has been unlike any other summer. I am not good at revealing my feelings but this summer, in simple words, has been the hardest time I have ever experienced in my life. At the ripe age of 20, I have experienced enough to know the realities of life. I was always healthy, until random illnesses began to occur. Every single time the doctors would come back with a puzzled look and the words "this is something I have never seen," "you are a rare case," or "how are you still alive and functioning?" We all want to be thought of as "rare" but not in the medical world. However, rare or not rare, it all helped me develop a high pain tolerance. Unless my foot has been sliced off, or I'm missing a few fingers, I won't take a trip to the hospital. 
     Unfortunately, I think my body took a complete collapse when I returned home from school in May. I have not felt like myself at all and some days it has felt like life is simply passing me by. I want to be traveling, seeing people and enjoying what life has to offer, but that has not been possible. People ask me "well if you don't feel good then why are you going to work?" In a funny way, work has been a blessing to me. It feels so rewarding to know that if I can't help myself, I can at least be helping someone else feel better. I have met some great people, who have been so appreciative and thankful. 

     There have been so many days where I have simply shut off and shut people out because I am hurting. No matter what I do, nothing helps. Its a conflicting issue when I think about the fact that God loves us and wants the best for us. Yet here I am, exhausted, beyond frustrated and on the verge of giving up. 

     But 2nd Corinthians 12:10 says the following: "That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." A few weeks ago, my pastor talked about how during his whole ministry he had never met someone who had weakened spirtually during hard times. When things are going good, we tend to forget that God is still present and still there for us. A few temporary successes boast our ego and we become convinced that we can do everything on our own. I know I have been guilty of this many times. In the book "The Purpose Driven Life," Rick Warren talks about how God gives us trials because he loves us and wants us to grow and mature. Logically, this makes complete sense. At school and work we are given harder tasks and assignments because this is how we grow and expand our skills. Parents give their kids chores and family duties because it develops discipline, maturity and a good work ethic. Those who never have to do anything or deal with anything never fully develop as individuals. 

     Mother Teresa once said that " I know that God never gives us more then we can handle, I just wish he didn't trust me so much." Based on her statement, I guess I should be flattered that God see's a strength in me and considers me a strong person. Although I have been so up and down, I have began to see that this tough period of time is a critical learning period for me. I do not know why and perhaps never will, but I do know that everything happens for a reason. I will get better eventually, maybe sooner, maybe later or even if I don't, I am learning to accept God's will. It is always easy to accept it when it lines up with our own plans. But when it contradicts, we come to a screeching halt. Confusion, frustration and irritation set it, but we have only two options. Fight it or accept it. I believe this is the true test of faith: to accept, even blindly, God's master plan and know that better things are yet to come. Rick Warren also says the following: "Regardless of circumstances and how you feel, hang on to God's unchanging character. Remind yourself what you know to be eternally true about God: He is good, he loves me, he is with me, he knows what I'm going through, he cares, and he has a good plan for my life. V. Raymond Edman said: 'Never doubt in the dark what God told you in the light.'"

     I still have 6 weeks of summer. I have absolutely no idea how they will turn out. Will things get better? Worse? Stay the same? Of course I want them to get better. I want to be doing all the things I had hoped to do and seeing all the people I had hoped to see. Either way, I am learning to take things one day at time. I have made some good decisions and also bad decisions in times of hurt. I have looked in the wrong places for comfort and attention but later seen how the things you need can be right in front of you. Despite everything, I am going to rejoice and give thanks in all circumstances, because when I am weak... I am strong. 

new obsessions

I am ABSOLUTELY in love with Colbie Caillat's new album "All of You." And as an added bonus, I will be seeing her, live, in concert in Los Angeles next month. Can't wait!

Quote of the Day 7/16/11

"We pour out our miseries
God just hears a melody
Beautiful, the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a Hallelujah"




Taken from "Better Than A Hallelujah" by Amy Grant

the quality of life is improved by people of quality.

gen·u·ine:

possessing the claimed or attributed character, quality, or origin; not counterfeit; authentic;      real. free from pretense, affectation, or hypocrisy.

     Considering that I never have free days, I try to make the most out of the free time I do get. Today I got to catch up with a friend on the past few months of her life. As we spilled our hearts and laughed over Starbucks, we realized that we have one common desire lately: to meet genuine people. 

     It got me thinking about the people we meet and the people we befriend. It is not hard to meet people, but it is hard to meet people who you can connect with. Its easy to poke fun, see a movie or eat a dinner, but where do you go to find those people with who you can talk about something deeper. Personally, I have a really hard time opening up to people. Its not that I don't trust them, its just something I cant even explain. The idea of someone knowing something very personal about me just makes me feel uneasy. It takes a lot to get me to open out. But at the same time we weren't made to hold everything in and deal with it on our own, that is why friendship is such an important part of life. 

     I have realized lately how much value people who are genuine and thoughtful. People who freely give and never demand anything in return. People who are willing to listen and accept criticism and at the same time provide constructive criticism when necessary. Over the past few weeks, I have been feeling a little burnt out and going through a rough patch health wise and at times unmotivated and on days like that a simple, thoughtful gesture has been all that I needed to turn my day around. I value those little things so much. Its the people who can simply sit with me and drink a cup of coffee while I vent; or those people who show up at my work with some chocolate and a hug, letting me know they are thinking about me; or coming home to flowers at my doorstep; or taking a nice evening walk on the beach together. Its nothing extravagant, just a little tlc.

     At the end of our conversation earlier today, we realized that we couldn't answer our own question, and I still don't know where it is a person goes to find genuine people. Its hard to find these people but I know they are out there. By sheer grace, last year 4 amazing ladies were placed on my residence hall and they have become a significant part of my life. That being said, I would like to meet more people like that. People who are selfless and open, people who can listen but also share, people who are willing to try new things and see new places. People with an open heart and open mind. People who can admit their faults and failures but strive for improvement. People of good character and good morals. And lastly, people who simply care. These people are one in a million, but I would rather know one genuine person, then a million fake ones. 

Quote of the Day 7/13/11

"The greatest threat to freedom is the absence of criticism."              [Wole Soyinka]

Happy Birthday to my Best Friend!

Today is my mom's 41st birthday but I feel like she is only getting younger. She is the most incredible person I know and is the most influential person in my life. Here is some of the words of wisdom and life lessons she has passed on to me.

1. Family should be your best friends. They will never betray you
2. Never chase boys, especially the ones who don't like you
3. Always make your bed in the morning
4. Prayer makes all things possible
5. Always think before you speak
6. There is much value in kind words
7. Be nice to everyone, but trust very few
8. Never drink milk after eating fish
9. First impressions last forever
10. Be aware of your actions, you never know who is watching
11. Always eat soup with a tablespoon and yogurt with a teaspoon
12. A husband must be a protector and a provider
13. The cutest boys sometimes have the worst personalities
14. Others should always be your first priority, its not about YOU
15. The best of lessons are learned through the hardest of times


I love you, mom. Thank you for everything. Happy Birthday!

time flies

I can hardly believe that I am half way done with summer break. I just got home but already the thoughts of returning to San Diego have been crossing my mind on a daily basis. I am working full time so the days have flown by so quickly. In between the realities of work and life, I have had time to clear my head. As much as I love my school and what I am learning, sometimes all the deadlines and homework and exams cloud my mind and I don't really get the ability to think about other things.

I guess one thing that has been on my mind more then ever is that I am a place in my life where I feel like I am being called to let a significant other become part of my life. In a way, it makes me laugh and at the same time scares me. Letting someone in has never been easy for me or for most people to say the least. We have all had our share of heartbreaks and heartaches and sometimes after it all we lose our hope for humanity. The other part of this is that it is kinda out of my hands. I may want it sooner, but it may come later. Whoever said patience is a virtue was definitely right. Waiting is hard, especially when you are tired of waiting or simply do not want to wait but maybe the person who said patience is a virtue, also said that good things come to those who wait :)

Quote of the Day 7/7/11

“The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in.”            [ Morrie Schwartz]