Consider the following quotes:
1. "Treat others as you would want to be treated."
2. "Eye for an eye, ear for an ear."
Those two statements are contradictions. The first one tells us to treat people the way you would want to be treated while the second echos that sometimes it is okay to play fair. I have really been struggling and thinking about these ideas. We come across so many people and so many situations and it is inevitable that in our lives we will be hurt, and hurt more then a few times. The manner in which we respond to these situations can make all the difference. We can choose to avenge, confront, forgive or forget (or some combination of these).
Getting revenge was never my thing and will never be. I have never wanted to purposefully hurt someone because they have hurt me. Forgiveness, is my opinion, an absolute must. No matter what, everyone deserves mercy and forgiveness. The part I really have been thinking about is when do we need to simply step back, take a deep breath and forget and when do we actually need to put someone in their place. By "put someone in their place" I do not mean excessive yelling and name calling but rather calling someone out on their actions in a constructive criticism type of way.
I think a lot of times, people do not realize the severity or consequences of our actions. I think that sometimes I (and probably most of us) forget that just because I know something or have experienced something, doesn't mean someone else has. So maybe these people need someone to call them out (but in a loving, concerned, edifying way). Some people simply do not realize how their actions are affecting those around them. On the other hand, many people do realize what they are doing, but just don't care enough. So then I think, why bother talking to them when they do not even care?
The hard part is discerning whether someone does or does not know. Unfortunately, in most scenarios, we will never get a clear cut answer. Honestly, I have been in some situations where I really want to call someone out. I really want to tell them how I feel and how their actions made me feel. But then I think that they are only human, just as I am, and we all make mistakes. I know there are times were I just wanted forgiveness and not confrontation. Thats the thing about friendship, we all deserve a "get out of jail" card sometimes.
Sometimes its hard to think clearly when there are way too many emotions and thoughts circling around in your head. Your emotions take over and we want any kind of relief, as soon as possible. We think that really telling someone how we feel about them will help us feel better, and it probably does... till the next morning that is.
I have learned that dumping out your feelings in a moment of haste is most definitely not the way to go. But I do know that days, or even weeks later, when those first initial reactions have died down, and the emotions have somewhat settled, I still have those lingering thoughts. Thoughts of "maybe she/he just doesn't get it" or "maybe no one has never told him/her" or "you can't always let things slide by, Lydia." My personal philosophy has always been that I will not confront someone unless I care about them extremely, and know that they will be a part of my life for many years to come.
Then I am confronted again by the thought that maybe I was supposed to meet this person and encounter this experience, and that they are to learn something from it by me verbalizing it to them. I know I have met people and they said things to me that really helped me and shaped me and I never really heard or saw them again, yet I really learned a valuable lesson.
Right now I am thinking about people in my life, people who have hurt me tremendously but I responded with the upmost love and understanding. They needed my love and my understanding more then they needed the critique. The pure act of compassion changed them in ways that my words never could. Yet, there are people who have hurt me tremendously and I think daily about whether or not I should say anything. I don't mean a guilt trip or "how could you hurt me this much?!?!?" or yelling and crying or etc. I mean telling them what they did and how it affected me and even though I have moved on, they should know for future references, to not do the things they did or say the things they say.
I do not have an answer right now and it is something I am learning and praying about. Every person is different and every scenario is different. Some people deserve a free a pass and some people really do need to be told and put into their places a bit. Establishing which is right in a given moment? Now thats the hard part they call life.
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