Our 5 hour long conversation started with the usual- the "how are you doing?", "aren't you glad its summer?,"how is he doing?" and "I can't believe he said that!", but 24 hours later, I kept reflecting on one simple phrase. So simple, but so, completely and utterly honest: "it's like a rat race."
After getting through the surface issues of life: not enough sleep, not enough money and not enough sane men, we got to the nitty gritty. What is life and when does it actually start? Christy's words could not have hit the nail on the head more perfectly, for me, for her and probably most of the rest of the world. By dictionary terms, a rat race is a term used for an endless, self-defeating or pointless pursuit and in visual terms, its like a rat in a lab cage, who tries to escape by furiously running around in its wheel, but realistically for little purpose.
I know especially, that being a student, and a part of the rising work force, you really do get thrown into a rat race. In school you are pressured by yourself, or someone close to yourself ,to do more, to do better, to get internships which will get you better connections and jobs in the future. You have to take 19+ units and do 5 extracurriculars and be the homecoming queen and be ASB president and the fasted runner on the track team and volunteer for the animal shelter and raise 25,000 dollars a month for cancer research and score in the top percentile on the MKATs or LSATS and triple major and get at least a 3.8 gpa all while somehow maintaing your health, sanity, credit card bills and personal relationships. Somehow even writing that all out made me exhausted, let know trying to figure out how to fit that all into a 24 hour day.
The reality as I have seen it, is that there are those among us who are superman and superwoman. Somehow, our gracious God, had determined them as the lucky ones who can somehow do it all. They have the mental capacity, personal health and physical ability to do a whole lot of things in a relatively short time frame. Unfortunately (or fortunately?), I do not possess the superpower mentioned above. I take around 16-17 units, worked a part time job, did 1-2 extracurriculars, i was not in the running for homecoming queen, not even involved in ASB, I don't even like the track field, i don't spend my saturdays feeding stray dogs, my health is totally in shambles, I am single and you get the picture. I can say though that I have maintained a 3.8 gpa, placed 3rd at Nationals in debate, and have spent the time off in the summer that I do have by offering free babysitting, meal cooking or cleaning, and I did just land an outstanding job at the Four Seasons Resort in beautiful Montecito, CA and I am studying in Rome in just 11 weeks!
And I am not talking about myself to brag. I humbly accept the little success I have had a really a gift and blessing of God. I also know many young and even middle aged adults who despite their achievements are in a mental rat race. And I too, most definitely am guilty of entering the race at times as well.
Sometimes I think "well, when finals are over, and its summer, thats when life will start... or maybe it will start when I get back from Rome... thats kinda when I'll get back into the routine of things... or wait no, life starts when you graduate college, yep definitely. No wait, what if I end up going to grad school? Well, I guess it will start after that. But if I am not fully employed, working 9 to 5 and getting employment benefits, that's not really life either... Well okay, when I get THE JOB, the one I have really wanted. Hmmm.. but then again if I am 30 and living with 4 roommates and not serious with someone or married, thats not really life. Well, when I get married, thats REAL life starting... no wait, maybe with kids.... " <- That is the short, condensed version, but y'all are smart, you get the picture. It is this constant cycle of life will start when/if A+B+C+D+E+F+G line up and Mars and Uranus line up and I win MegaMillions and so on and throughout everything that is happening within us and around us, we are completely WITHDRAWN from it and totally missing the benefits and not reaping the good of the hard work we have sowed. We are stuck in the race, with society and devil himself whispering into our ears that we haven't done enough and we need to do more and we need to outsmart and outdo our neighbor, because if we can have more bullet points on our resumes, life is going to be splendid.
Clearly my erroneous thoughts are totally off point. Life isn't going to start when I am recognized as valedictorian of my graduating class or get a high paid, cool job working under Bill Gates, or marry a male model. Life is very much going on right now, it isn't going to stop and it isn't going to rewind or wait up for me.
I am so guilty of getting caught in the race, that I forget that life is not a destination, but a journey. I do not need to please or impress someone. All the matters is that I am doing God's will with the gifts and talents He has given me and that I am okay with my limitations and am as thankful for them as I am for my abilities. There is not going to be a right time or place or moment. Life has been going on this whole time and is going to keep on going whether or not I want to hop on. Even in the past few weeks alone I have already proven myself wrong. I have met many young people whose resumes are perfect and every volunteer activity, internship and job is perfectly streamlined to their major and planned out career. These individuals are driven every morning and every night of endless studying by the notion that if they can be better then the competition, then they will get exactly what they have planned out for them. They turn down opportunities for fellowship, friendship, relationships, fun, excitement, pleasure, etc. They wear out their health and filter out friends and family for that perfect image in their head. And you know what, there are people who eventually get whatever it is they wanted. But I would bet everything I own and shave my head, that when they get what they've wanted, it is not enough, or even mildly satisfying. They have been alive, but not living, and life has passed them on by.
In the end, these are my personal thoughts and opinions. The statements above come from a truly genuine and vulnerable place. I cannot hold anyone accountable but myself. Personally, I have been reminded that this ridiculous rat race is definitely not something I should be joining. I would much rather take a stroll, warm coffee in hand and slowly be revealed the surprises around every bend and corner, learning and appreciating what life has to offer at every step. Plus 90 minutes of cardio at the gym daily is enough for me, and running around in circles is so 10th grade fitness class.
editor's note: The whole time I was writing this super deep and thoughtful post, I kept hearing Mr. Bean's character in the movie Rat Race yelling "its a race! its a race!"
"Life is very much going on right now, it isn't going to stop and it isn't going to rewind or wait up for me" - I liked that.
ReplyDeleteWell written Lydia.
Incredible
ReplyDelete