Stressed?

Late Friday afternoon I was driving to meet with my coach and my head just started pounding. It had been a rough few weeks and I was exhausted, and my throbbing migraine was yet another reminder of the accumulated stress. It was that feeling where you no longer have words and you just want a time out.

I've never been stressed like this. A lot of things had come together, all creating a perfect storm of stress, and led to me stressing about not stressing about the stress that was stressing me out. Did you follow that?

As I made the drive and was woken by the sudden breaking of 5 p.m. post work commuters, for a brief moment, it was a feeling of defeat. That's it life, you win, I'm out. But before I surrendered to life's trivial trauma, the lightbulb went off: "have you prayed about it as much as you've stressed about it?"

There it was.

And the answer was probably not.

Okay, no. I didn't.

I was trying so hard to manage that I forgot the very essence of what makes all things possible.

Life's stresses are not unique to me or you. They're an every day, every person reality. Things happen. My particular stresses were a combination of a few things, with the major being going to the doctor and hearing bad news. When a doctor says this is bad, you know it's bad. I'm a sick person, and I am still learning how to deal with it, how to balance and how to take care of myself.

But, what I so foolishly forget is that I actually don't have to be figuring this all out on my own.

As Christians, we often say to one another, "God's got you," or "I'll pray for you" or some version of that, and that's all good but it also requires some giving on your end. Your relationship with God is just that, a relationship, which very much takes two people. All top often we treat God like a vending machine. We need something quick, and if we just give a dollar or in this case, a prayer, we will get what you need right there and then. And then, far too often we come to get something because things aren't going great and we are tired. We just want an energy shot of God to just get over the hurdle.

What's been a desire on heart is to strengthen that relationship, including God in more of my every day thoughts and worries and joys and concerns. In that moment when I was driving, I was convicted that I hadn't prayed as much as I'd thought about things, and saying the prayer there and then, a simple apology of my quietness, and an expression of thankfulness to have such a father and friend calmed the storm within.

Sound simple? Or maybe you think it's weird. But don't judge it till you try it.

And it was simple, and it was all I needed at the moment.

My problems may have not gone away, and my health may not have healed, but I was at peace.  Now if only I had prayed before stressing so much, or maybe if I had told God more about what was weighing down on me. How silly are we to try to do so much in our own strength and will power?

There's also been stages where no matter how much I'm saying, it seems like only silence on the other side. And that too is part of the relationship, God wants to shape us, our patience, our commitment and our desires. Waiting and time seem to be the sharpest of all tools, probably because humanity is deficient in the ability to be patient.

So right now, in the hecticness (probably not a word, sorry) and the chaos, two very important lessons are weighing on my heart. One is to continue to pursue him and his faithfulness, being patient in the moments of quiet on the other end; and two, to remember the joy, when the outside is in periods of chaos and stress. God works for the good of those who love him, and He's working for my good too. 

So if you need me, I'll be praying, not stressing.